mahiwaga

This is my life, and it’s ending one minute at a time

I haven’t been wanting to write anything for a while now. Not even short 140 character missives to Twitter.

Everything I keep telling myself I need to do remains quite undone.

Something is definitely wrong with me.

This cough just won’t go away. It’s been pretty much three months now. I’m pretty sure it’s not TB. My PPD was negative in August. Then again, I’ve definitely been burned by PPDs before. I once met someone a week after they had a negative PPD, fooling me into thinking that they couldn’t possibly have TB. Silly me. (I still didn’t convert after that incident.)

I think it’s probably reflux. It seems to be better when I’m actually compliant adherent with taking Prilosec daily.

I probably have reflux because of my body habitus. To put it bluntly, it’s because I’m a fat bastard. This particular thought makes me sad.

Sadness seems to paralyze me. This is also probably a manifestation of actual depression.

Then again, this particular feeling always overcomes me this time of year. I need to get more sunlight. You would think that in San Diego, this would not be hard to do. It probably wouldn’t be if I could manage to get myself out of bed in the morning.

I need a job. I’m doing absolutely nothing to help me attain that goal.

It was probably a bad idea to wait until 4 pm to eat something. How’s that for paralysis? I think the technical term is executive dysfunction.

When I finally did eat something, I felt like ass afterwards. I had to go lie down and take a nap. Hypochondriac that I am, I started wondering if I ate something that had botulinum toxin in it.

It was probably just a very exaggerated version of the post-prandial dip. Usually that happens after noon, but then, usually, normal people have eaten at least one meal by then.

Or I could have eaten something that was tainted by something.

If I had to bet on the likelihood that I would do something productive tomorrow, I would bet against myself.

I’ve been meaning to do something with this blog. Fix it. Trash it and start another one. I don’t know. I started reading through some of my archives, and I wonder, where did I find all the time to write?

Now that I have all the time in the world, I can’t write a single thing.

This is going nowhere.

I think I need to stop here.