mahiwaga

This may very well be a mistake, but I really don’t know what else I can do… even if I go clear out of [my] mind. Look at this, I’m not even completely coherent.

The chemicals, is that really all what emotions are? Random collisions of chemicals, scintillations of photons and electrons, there is nothing poetic in the tearing apart of something.

Is it possible to be depressed and manic at the very same time?

I can’t seem to concentrate, and yet I feel like I need to write.

What did I think of today? There are two opposing styles of life available [to me] (at the least.)

One follows the principles of Darwinism, propagating first and foremost via sex—this is the central unifying principle of this lifestyle and includes all attendant components such as courtship, family life, social hierarchies. My simplified label for this is America in the 1950s, the tenets of post-Goldwater Republicans, etc., etc.

The other is propagated by writing, the lifestyle exempliefied by priesthood in all its forms, but including all aspects of intellectualism… the nerds and the geeks, etc., etc.

I’m beginning to wonder if they are truly mutually exclusive, and when do I have to make a choice. I need to calm down, I think this is going nowhere.